I was going to update this.

But I didn’t.

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Men like porn, who’d have known?

Today was a somewhat strange day for me, I went out for a meal with my girlfriend, it was mildly amusing and we talked of a great many things, well she talked of a great many things, I nodded and pretended I could “completely relate to that” and hit on the waitress when she wasn’t looking since I knew I wasn’t getting sex tonight, and quite frankly, I’ll be fucked If I’m going to pay over £100 for a two course meal and not fuck something at the end of it.

Anyway, we got onto some strange topics of discussion during the course of the meal, one topic being her wanting to understand my having a vast deal of pornography despite having her.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is a topic of conversation that is what I like to know as a complete fucking minefield. I’m not just talking a regular minefield here, I’m talking a 30 year old death trap in some weird Asian European shit hole that has claimed the lives and limbs of over 300,000 small third world children despite the best efforts of a load of self-righteous aid workers. Now while that image is fucking hilarious, it is not fun to have to negotiate your way through this minefield on the rickety bike of male linguistic skills after 4 pints and an Irish coffee.

This is how the conversation went down:

“Why do you have so much porn when you can have sex with me?”
“Can I have sex 24 hours a day 7 days a week?”
“No, not quite, but it’s pretty close.”
“Well, that’s why I have porn… Porn’s there for me when you’re not”
“Wouldn’t you delete it?”
“I’m gonna go ahead and tell you that that happening is about as likely as you winning the Nobel Peace Prize.”
“Listen, I hate you having porn… It… Offends me a little.”

Needless to say the conversation ended in the ultimatum:

“Me or the porn” in more words.

I’m assuming you can guess what I chose since I’m sitting at home alone infront of this computer at 4 in the morning…

I guess I’m single again, but I’ll always have porn, porn doesn’t judge me, porn doesn’t force me to make decisions, porn doesn’t complain when I watch Big Butt Bonanza instead of hoovering.

…In hindsight, I should have just pretended to delete my porn, oh well, not that big a deal since I did get that waitresses number.

Society; It Just Keeps Winning These Days…

Thank you knife crime!

Thank you knife crime!

Heard of Peter Tyler Juett? No? That’s because he’s an insignificant speck of useless genetic waste that society should be proud to have, all be it, inadvertently, pushed off of the mortal coil.

Just to give you a bit of a back-story, in case you don’t know or like me didn’t really give a flying fuck, here’s the Daily Mail’s take:

The suspected burglar, 17-year-old Tyler Juett, was killed after he was allegedly caught breaking into a house in Old Basford, Nottingham…One visitor [in regards to the website set up in support of the stabber] claimed Juett deserved his fate, adding: ‘This dude is a pretty cool guy. He stabs thug wanna-bes and isn’t afraid of anything.’

First off, I fail to see why we are still calling this ‘suspected burglary’, if there’s foul play involved and they picked the kid off the streets and killed him for the lulz then who the fuck really cares? So let’s just cut to the chase and all agree to call it a burglary. Just look at that kid’s retarded face, how could he be of any use to our society? Let’s face it guys, we’re not losing a Nobel Prize winner her, we’re losing some malignant, shit-munching, scum-dreg who’s biggest achievement in life would have been to father 3 children by the age of 23 (further degrading the value I and you place on life, and ruining society in general.)

I am fed up with you butt-hurt liberals crying like a child who’s been kicked in the cunt every time some fucking idiot gets himself killed.

Secondly:
His mother Michelle, 34, refused to speak to the press but wrote on her Facebook page: ‘Why, why, why, why, why? I want my baby back.’ – Daily Mail, again.

Why? Why, you malignant, shit wrapping, faeces flinging troglodyte? Why? You’re honestly asking why? I’ll tell you why, because 1., You clearly can’t raise a child for shit and 2., because he burgled somebody like a fucking useless tool.

Michelle, the mother, or, inconsiderate wombatron, as I’m going to refer to her from now on, is pretty much the reason I believe having children is not a right, it is a privilege and should be treated as such, you should have to take a parenting test, spend months in parenting courses, and be awarded a ‘licence to breed by the state.’ It astounds me that in this fucking country, you need to be 18 to drink, yet only 16 to fuck, what the fuck is going on? Seriously, you fucking idiots prance around as if having kids is some magical miracle and they just fucking raise themselves, you act like you all DESERVE to have children, when quite frankly it’s brutally obvious that a vast majority of the population are useless genetic dregs on the lowest possible stage of the evolutionary ladder, with no right to re-introduce their DNA strands to society by shitting out more womb-waste.

Your child is dead because you were a shit mother.

Paramedics tried to save the teenager – Daily Express.

Why did you bother? Some life isn’t worth saving.

A police spokesman said: “In an effort to establish the circumstances which led up to the death we would ask anyone who was in and around the area at that time on March 13 to cast their minds back to see if they can remember anyone acting suspiciously. – Daily Express.

Again, why bother? It’s a complete waste of tax payer money, give whoever stabbed him a fucking medle and a parade and encourage more people to defend themselves and their homes.

A neighbour is quoted as saying : “They are good people who live in that house. They are very co-operative and nice. “ – Well, I’m glad they managed to co-operate that knife into that little ‘solja’ faggots gut.

What the fuck is a solja anyway? Anybody who calls themselves a fucking solja should be incinerated.

You fucks are lucky I don’t run this nation.

Oh, and Tyler Peter Juett? What a fucking retarded name, if you’re going to fall short on raising your kids the least you can do is not force them to live out what short lives they’re going to have with some french bullshit girly boy hybrid name that just sounds like a really fucking bad economic jet.


Islamic? Go fuck yourself!

There is only one thing I find funnier than religion and that’s an epileptic in a fuckin’ techno rave, I tell a lie I also think women’s rights are far funnier.

As per usual the Islamic fuck-stain populace of Britain has been prancing about like a bunch of faggots protesting the return of British soldiers. So I thought I’d write a little blog.

In all honesty this blog is going to shit all over Islam, the Qu’ran and Muslim’s all over the world, I’d say “if you’re offended don’t read further,” but like the self-righteous, religious, shit-fairies you are you’ll just read on anyway, in order to be offended so you can cry like an 11 year old in confession, who’s having Priest Jim O’Doherty’s paedophilic pole of whimsical forgiveness shoved down his throat.

The Qu’ran is of course a great piece of reading material; well, I say that, what I mean really is that it’s a great way to get ahead in the world of bomb making apprenticeships and organised hate crime…

Now, that’s just my personal view on the issue, 1.8 billion people think it’s the second best book in the world, right after J.K Rowling’s Harry Potter. Let’s face it, the two books probably contain about the same amount of truth to them… With a slight lead in favour of Harry Potter.

There was a great story in the news a while ago, about US and UK soldiers using the Qu’ran as toilet paper. A part of me was like “Woo desecrating a holy book,” but on the other hand there was a part of me which was kinda just thinking, “wiping you’re arse with the Qu’ran, bit like wiping you’re ass with bull-shit; slightly redundant.”

Now obviously my views are my own, I have researched this and personally I think all religion is immoral and wrong and Islam is hateful and intolerant, and some might find my views offensive, but then they can go and fuck themselves, or better still, prove my point and blow me up, either way I’m happy… That’s a very Northern Irish trait, “hmm, I don’t mind dying as long as you prove me right in the process, you fuck”

I say I’ve researched this; really what I mean, is that like most 19 year olds, I looked up wikipedia, got bored, then started looking up porn and weird shit.

My computer is just like a big magic box filled with porn, it’s like the black hole of filth. It’s wonderful.

Anyway, Here’s what I got from Wikipedia:

“The Qu’ran, written in 1612 by Sir Francis Bacon (and published by a giant flying cunt monster) is a fantasy based novella, revolving around wizardry, magic and invisible men in the sky; it is a fan-fiction based on a previous fictitious work known as “the bible” (written by Tom Clancy); critics at the time lambasted the book, one reviewer commenting:
“I’d rather read my father’s athletes foot with my tongue than read this self-indulgent package of complete ball-twattery”

Seem’s fairly accurate to me.

You might be wondering,
“well now, what’s the Qu’ran all about?”

The books main themes include but are not limited to acceptance of other cultures and ideas, hating everything and blowing the shit out of anybody who doesn’t agree with your narrow minded bullshit, embracement of women’s rights, beating women, and of course acceptance of your fellow man regardless of his or her sexual orientation stoning the gays.

Religion just makes no sense to me, for instance, Islam, believes in both pre-destination, AND, free-will… That’s kinda like attending a pro-women’s rights rally then going home to beat your wife.

Fun fact of the day: Mohammed waged wars on the Jews, Hindus and Buddhists, coincidentally, the assault on the Buddhists must have been fairly fast, the worst thing a Buddhist’s gonna do is set himself on fire, but I guess that gives Mohammed more time to fuck kids, so everybody wins really.

I have said an awful lot about Islam, but don’t get me wrong, Christianity’s no better in my eyes: “Stone the gays, fuck the Jews, let’s eat some magical Jesus bread.” What the fuck is that shit all about.

Anyway, in summary if you’re an Islamic fuck bag you can just go fuck yourself and get the fuck out of my country, is that an intolerant stand point to take? You’re God damned fucking right it is.

Fuck Allah, Muhammed’s a paedophile, eat shit and die.

Published in: on 16/03/2009 at 12:13 am  Leave a Comment  
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British populace gets lazy and stops voting; BNP related hilarity ensues.

It’s been a while since I took the time to piss all over the English language in a vulgar display of cantankerous hate, so I thought today, I’d take the time to grab my thoughts and feelings by the throat and vigorously slam them all over your much loved internet where they can act as a general offence to the visual senses.

First off, can everybody stop fucking acting like they give half a flying shit about the BNP getting a couple of council seats? Let’s face it, you fuck tards did this shit to yourself. You resigned to apathy and stopped voting because you took what you had for granted, then as soon as the government goes to shit (because you won’t vote) you winge and cry like a bunch of cretinous children who’ve just had their breakfast pancakes, which were sprinkled with love by mummy, shit all over.

If you refuse to vote you’ll get a shit government, and if you don’t vote, then you lose the right to complain, because you’re the one who caused this fucking situation and you’re a shit stain on the face of society.

Voting should be mother-fucking mandatory, literally, if you don’t vote, by law, a big burley mother fucker should come to your house and fuck your mum in the ass, with no porno dialogue, no “can I fix your plumbing,” he just comes in and fucks her, that would teach you apathetic cunts to stop ruining democracy.

Secondly, boo hoo bankers are slicing their businesses up and giving themselves bonuses, you know what? Why don’t you sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up about it, no, they aren’t “banksters” or whatever the fuck silly little word the sun has plastered them with, they are business owners, when you own a sinking business you slice it up, sell it off, and make as much out of it before it’s collapse as you can, they own more shares than you, ergo they own more of the company than you, ergo they can do whatever the fuck they want, because their vote outweighs yours, now stop crying like a bitter little child just because you work on a fucking Plasticine assembly line with 30 other cretins.

Thirdly, “I lost my job a month ago and can’t get a new one,” I wonder why, perhaps this is because you worked on an assembly line for 30 years, and now won’t resign to the reality of the situation that you should do something new, because, guess what, BRITAIN’S MANUFACTURING INDUSTRY HAS BEEN DYING FOR THE LAST 60 YEARS, AND WE ARE A FUCKING NATION OF MIDDLE MEN. Get a job in a call centre or behind a till job behind a till. There are tons of places that are hiring, and those that aren’t are always having staff leaving that need replacing. Stop crying and get a new job you fuck. You’re not special and you’re not above any job, you’re as worthless as the economy you drove into the fucking ground with your apathy and tribal voting. Fuck yourself with a 50 ft rake and die.

Fourth, if you love Obama you’re probably the most hated of all racists, the accidental racist, i.e., a fucking idiot.

Finally, the BNPs recent success in polls has promted a wave of media bullshit claiming that BNP members getting seats will only serve to divide Britain in terms of race… What fucking magical cloud are you living in!? Britain IS racially divided. Here I’ll lay it the fuck out for you.

White people live beside white people,
Chinese people live beside Chinese people,
black people live beside black people,
Arabs live beside…can you guess? THAT’S FUCKING RIGHT, ARABS!

You getting the fucking picture yet Johnny twat face?

Jesus fucking Christ, this country is not a multicultural diverse wonderland of racial integration it’s that £3 jig saw puzzle you buy for your little sister at Christmas that has 100 pieces but only comes with 83 and when put together it makes a picture of a puddle of fucking dog sick.

For racial integration to work you need to break down ghettos and racial separation in terms of living areas, WHICH ISN’T HAPPENING, oh coincidentally, everyone who comes here hates us.

I know you love to believe that you’re Captain fucking diversity because you ignorantly bow to Asians when you first meet them and shout “omg that’s how you say hello isn’t it LOL!” in their faces and talk to black people about Chris Rock and the Wu-Tang Clan, but you’re not Captain Diversity, you’re just a dick and all your ethnic minority friends hate you because you’re an ignorant PC tool.

Anybody who follows Islam hates you, stop trying to integrate with Islamics, it’s retarded, fuck your PC bullshit, Islam is an evil religion.

The hilarious part of this is, no matter how many people tell you this, you prance around like a bunch of nancy boy faggots, trying to get through to you people is like trying to fuck through a hymen made of titanium.

Fuck Britain. Fuck you, you deserve this.

Published in: on 23/02/2009 at 1:17 am  Leave a Comment  
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Daniel Radcliff’s stunt double was injured today.

It was 7:35 am, I had just sat down to watch the morning news, because for once, I was both awake at an early hour, and not drunk of my fucking tits from the night before. So needless to say, being up at 7:35 demands some Penny from GMTV and maybe a quick wank… (Penny is by far my favourite presenter… I’ve squezed more out to her than I have to any girlfriend…)

Anyway, I had just caught the words “Daniel Radcliff was seriously injured in a stunt” as they scrolled along the bottom of the screen. “YES!” I screamed, in what can only be described as a childish display of exhilaration in the knowledge that that pathetic little fuck stain was possibly hopefully maybe going to die and get the fuck out of my gene pool once and for all…

Alas, as usual I was just being fucked around. The same headline scrolled along once again. “The stunt double for Daniel Radcliff was seriously injured in a stunt.” Surely “Daniel Radcliff’s stunt double” would have prevented this confusion, fuck you GMTV, fuck you for once again getting my fucking hopes up and making me think there was yet some chance of me finding a glimmer of happiness in my life. Fuck…You…

I hope that fuck Radcliff dies in a freak fire ant insect attack and his flesh is torn from his body as his family are forced to watch (they deserve to suffer for being so retarded as to believe they were worthy of passing on their genetic seed) by swarms of pissed off ants. Fucking poncey little bastard.

“Oh hello there, I just did my A levels, so needless to say, I’ve become a pompous asshole who knows everything, might as well go wank over how artistic I am by standing naked beside a fucking horse for 2 hours!!!”

Fuck you Radcliff.

Published in: on 29/01/2009 at 9:54 am  Comments (1)  
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