Men like porn, who’d have known?

Today was a somewhat strange day for me, I went out for a meal with my girlfriend, it was mildly amusing and we talked of a great many things, well she talked of a great many things, I nodded and pretended I could “completely relate to that” and hit on the waitress when she wasn’t looking since I knew I wasn’t getting sex tonight, and quite frankly, I’ll be fucked If I’m going to pay over £100 for a two course meal and not fuck something at the end of it.

Anyway, we got onto some strange topics of discussion during the course of the meal, one topic being her wanting to understand my having a vast deal of pornography despite having her.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is a topic of conversation that is what I like to know as a complete fucking minefield. I’m not just talking a regular minefield here, I’m talking a 30 year old death trap in some weird Asian European shit hole that has claimed the lives and limbs of over 300,000 small third world children despite the best efforts of a load of self-righteous aid workers. Now while that image is fucking hilarious, it is not fun to have to negotiate your way through this minefield on the rickety bike of male linguistic skills after 4 pints and an Irish coffee.

This is how the conversation went down:

“Why do you have so much porn when you can have sex with me?”
“Can I have sex 24 hours a day 7 days a week?”
“No, not quite, but it’s pretty close.”
“Well, that’s why I have porn… Porn’s there for me when you’re not”
“Wouldn’t you delete it?”
“I’m gonna go ahead and tell you that that happening is about as likely as you winning the Nobel Peace Prize.”
“Listen, I hate you having porn… It… Offends me a little.”

Needless to say the conversation ended in the ultimatum:

“Me or the porn” in more words.

I’m assuming you can guess what I chose since I’m sitting at home alone infront of this computer at 4 in the morning…

I guess I’m single again, but I’ll always have porn, porn doesn’t judge me, porn doesn’t force me to make decisions, porn doesn’t complain when I watch Big Butt Bonanza instead of hoovering.

…In hindsight, I should have just pretended to delete my porn, oh well, not that big a deal since I did get that waitresses number.


My bestfriend’s girlfriend: The videogame

Storyline : 6/10
The storyline to ‘my bestfriend’s girlfriend’ is fairly uninteresting: White-middle-class-girl has white-middle-class-girl problems and realises her parents are just together for the kids; then proceeds to cry a lot. In all honesty, ‘my bestfriend’s girlfriend’ leaves a lot to be desired in terms of storyline and content, but obviously having not completed it yet there may be more in store for the avid player of ‘my best friend’s girlfriend.’

Graphics : 8/10
Overall the graphics are probably the best feature to ‘my bestfriend’s girlfriend’. ‘My bestfriend’s girlfriend’ manages to pull of a fairly tasteful and classic hourglass look that has been left behind in today’s tragic modern society. The graphics remind us of a bygone era which we find ourselves looking back upon with fond nostalgia and a slight erection.

Playability : 10/10
‘My bestfriend’s girlfriend’ is fairly playable and enjoyable, with varying modes of difficulty and with a ‘real life probability/chaos drive’ the game is ever changing depending on where you want to go with it. Want to make my bestfriend’s girlfriend cry? go right ahead! Pressing triangle will engage your character in a captain falcon style uppercut which is very pleasing to the eye, this is easily followed up with a threat that if she tells you’ll beat her more, by pressing R1+L1+Triangle. Want to fuck ‘my bestfriend’s girlfriend’? use the in-game radar to navigate your way through town to a pub, ply her with liqueur and enjoy! Maybe all you want to do is encourage ‘my bestfriend’ to cheat on his girlfriend? Go right ahead!

The possibilities are endless with ‘my bestfriend’s girlfriend.’

HINT: Pressing L1,L2,R2,R1, O,O,X,O,Square,O,X,O on the menu screen of ‘my bestfriend’s girlfriend’ will unlock new gameplay modes such as: “Betray your bestfriend” mode and “Ruin your best friend out of jealousy” mode, although these modes are incredibly difficult to complete and not for the feint of heart.

Multiplayer Mode : ?
It’s not yet known whether a multiplayer mode exists for ‘my bestfriend’s girlfriend’, but if the prequel to this game: ‘my bestfriend’s previous girlfriend,’ is anything to go by there is… With the help of some cheats.

Online Mode : 3/10
The online mode leaves much to the imagination, with only 8 friends on myspace (waiting for a 9th and 10th to approve) no facebook, and a rarely used bebo account. The online mode is about as much fun as accidentally wanking into your own face.

Summary :
‘My bestfriend’s girlfriend’ has much to offer the avid gamer and is definitely worth a look into on your spare time. The previously mentioned prequel ‘my bestfriend’s previous girlfriend’ is a gaming classic and should also be checked out if time forbids.