I was going to update this.

But I didn’t.

Which is more fag-tastic? AIDs or Twilight?

Since Twilight is the biggest pile of malignant, steaming, dinosaur diarrhoea I’ve ever had the misfortune of having been bombarded with – by both retarded, illiterate, emo, shit stains (who you’d be forgiven for thinking are little more than a mass of extras from the lesser known B movie: ‘Chernobyl: the aftermath,’) the media, and countless cretins, perpetually masturbating, in orgasmic delight, to whoever decided to cast that potato headed, mongoloid, queer bait, cunt faced, twat browed, fuck basket as the star (I don’t know or care to know his name) – I’ve decided to conduct some research…

Today we’ll be finding out just how fagtastically bum loving Twilight is.

In Pie Chart A, as illustrated below, we see, through seconds of painstaking research, that Twilight is vastly more bum loving than AIDs:

Having AIDs, it's considerably less gay than watching or reading Twilight...

Having AIDs; it's considerably less gay than watching Twilight... You read it, it's official.

In the next step in concluding just how much of an ass-ramming-bumathon Twilight is, I compared it to a prostate massage.

See Pie Chart B, below, for the results of my painstaking research:

Prostate Massages; recieving one, or giving one, is less gay than watching Twilight... Getting the picture yet you bum loving sphinctal explorer?

Prostate Massages; receiving one, or giving one, is less gay than watching Twilight... Getting the picture yet you bum loving sphinctal explorer?

When I finished my research, I decided that this isn’t really enough to decide once and for all that Twilight is the most massively, homosexual, steaming pile of horse shit ever…

So, I decided to put Twilight to one final test.

If Clint Eastwood watches Twilight in its entirety, then Twilight is officially not a bum licking festival of rampant rent boy abuse, if however, Clint Eastwood cannot watch Twilight in its entirety, then Twilight is, as I thought before conducting this research, a steaming pile of accidentally spilt bum fudge fueled by Gay Pride, sprinkled with the AIDs infested cum of 607k AIDs suffering bum lovers who perpetually masturbate to prostate massages…

Here are the results of the ‘Clint Eastwood test’ as captured on digital camera:

clinteastwoodwatchingtwilightclinteastwoodonwatchingtwilight
I guess that settles it:

If you watch Twilight, you might as well be watching Brokeback Mountain; watching Twilight is the equivalent of masturbating with a rabid (same sex) badger with a dildo up it’s ass and Twilight itself is to the arts what Nazi Germany was to diversity, multiculturalism and acceptance.

A list of 30 things I hate.

1., You,
2., Everything you stand for,
3., Women,
4., Pretty much anybody who’s a Liberal,
5., The poor,
6., Blacks,
7., Homosexuals,
8., Whites,
9., Barry Fucking Manilow,
10., Heterosexuals,
11., Eskimos – who the fuck do they think they are?
12., Metrosexuals,
13., Coldplay’s latest album,
14., Your mum,
15., Australia,
16., Every album Coldplay released previous to their latest album,
17., Anybody who listens to Coldplay,
18., Coldplay,
19., Change,
20., Anybody who watches Sex and City and thinks that it’s ok to act like they’re Carry (or whatever that wind-bag-shit-churning-cum-receptical’s name is) in real life,
21., People who call it “Sex in the City” – not that I really give a shit, since the series is equal in value to my last wank which landed all over the carpet because I didn’t have any tissues ready because I was absolutely dying for a wank because I’d been thinking about my girlfriend the whole car journey home and didn’t have the foresight to think “oh wait I’m going to need tissues,” no rather I just pulled my pants down around my ankles and went for it like a doberman on steroids tearing a baby’s face off,
22., Liberals,
23., Being so desperate for a wank that I don’t bother or remember to have tissues at the ready,
24., Jade Goodie,
25., Liberals,
26., George Lucas – because of what he did to Star Wars,
27., George Lucas – because of what he did to Indiana Jones,
28., Harrison Ford – for being the worst actor on the planet, and also for playing a part in the general shit fest that is the Indiana Jones franchise that my idiot girlfriend won’t ever fucking shut up about,
29., People who quote movies or series they know I don’t watch,
30., People,

Published in: on 16/03/2009 at 12:50 am  Comments (1)  
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